Mel Robbins' "Let Them" Put Me in the Drivers Seat Again

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"My life is complicated because I give my power away to other people."

What Led Me To This Book

Before I read this book I was examining my life and realizing that I had allowed it to become overwhelming.  I was busy.  Too busy.  I worked too much, had too many appointments between my own and my kids.  We took too many trips, we had too many home projects that needed to be done, and chores to tend to. My house was full of way too much stuff that also needed to be purged.  So going into reading this book I was looking at simplifying my life.  I had just read A Year of Less by Cait Flanders in an attempt to purge belongings and curb spending habits which filled my house up with more clutter. But through that reading journey I realized that so much of my life and schedule was because I felt like I was out of control of my own life.  Obligations to others because of expectations of others, or worries about other people’s thoughts, opinions and feelings were guiding my life.  The  clutter and behavior and a too busy schedule was a result of my own inability to do what I wanted and needed to do and not worry about what everyone else needed or wanted or thought. 

What happens when we look at one habit, like buying too much stuff, is we realize it is just a symptom of even bigger habits or deeper programming. My life is complicated because I give my power away to other people.  I have boundary issues with myself, with others, and it's all related.  

Just as I was recognizing my boundary issues surrounding other people’s expectations, Let Them by Mel Robbins was everywhere.  It was on my Facebook feed in viral videos of teachers who read the book sitting happily in chaotic classrooms .  It was in titles of articles and blogs.  My hairdresser was talking about reading it and giving it to her mom to read too.   It was in people’s hands at the airport and in waiting rooms.  It was on full display in Target. The universe was screaming to me that what I really needed to do right now was read this book. 

Before I Read Vibe Check

Before I opened the book I wrote in my journal, “I want to learn how to do what works for me and to not worry about trying to meet external goals.  I want to learn how to truly find inner peace.”   I was struggling with weight and energy and consistency with my daily health regimen. Every school year I start out with a consistent exercise habit that I am able to develop over the summer and I started this book in June.  I figured I would be able to get serious and get my life back again. But we immediately went to Europe for 17 days and then when we got back I struggled.  I had a horrible UTI, was allergic to the antibiotics I was given to treat it,  went to a work conference in the middle of July and my diet and weight was all over the place.  I know that daily exercise is essential to my well being and a schedule that I am consistent with is essential to my energy and mood and focus and overall happiness.  But every February I get overwhelmed and burnt out. I miss sunlight and warm weather and my life gets imbalanced again.  I am too busy to be present for important relationships and working out goes by the wayside to make room for other important things. I sink into a depression by March. I know what works for me to keep me happier and healthier, but every single school year work and school expectations, schedule changes, pressure to keep up with a crazy demand of our time and energy robs me of my mental, emotional and physical health.  I let it.  I let these external expectations on my time and energy take my health from me. 

In addition to letting external expectations affect my health, I let it affect my happiness. I also wrote in my journal, “I am grateful that I am learning that working really hard to prove myself and constantly comparing myself to others doesn’t matter.  Screw it. I am exactly where I am at and I will do exactly what I need to do.  I am so tired of worrying about others and believing I need to be living up to what others do or think about me at work.”

Reading this book in the summertime while I was on the precipice of a new school year full of change was also divinely timed.  My next school year was also coming with a new superintendent, a new principal, a new vice principal, and we were adopting a new class day schedule. I was also being trained to create a new curriculum for both my Drama and Honors English classes. I was facing a school year with six different curriculum.  I would be able to maintain what I needed to do for my health, right?  I was nervous and dreading what I assumed would be inevitable.  Despite all these trips and change and extra work looking at me when I went back to teaching, all I wanted to do with my time and energy was focus on this project.  The Manifesting Lens.  I wanted to see where it was taking me.  Where could this go?   I wanted to focus on this, and decluttering and getting back into exercise,

Relating To The Content

The interesting thing about this book is how divinely timed this book felt. When and what I read provided something specific to my needs right before I needed it. Early in the book there was an example regarding letting other people’s behavior be whatever it is other people do.  Mel Robbins used a story about an annoying sick person on an airplane and how she felt bad for them but was so grossed out it was completely ruining her flight.  In the end she had to let them be sick and gross and decide what she could do in the moment instead.  I read this chapter right before our trip to Europe and I was going to be traveling for nineteen hours with my husband and an eight and a ten year old. Surely I was going to have to just let them at some point. I was really stressed out about this trip too, because it was the opposite of what I needed. It was complicated and busy and in new foreign places every four days and it was keeping me away from what I wanted to focus on for way too long. I was going into this trip burned out.  I was afraid that I would be so stressed and exhausted on this trip that I would just be a bitch.  I didn’t want to be a bitch to my kids and husband. But before I left on that trip I read this chapter in the book. It was a little gift showing me how I could reclaim some peace despite a stressful trip. 

I didn’t have time to read more during the trip, but I did practice the let them and let me theory while we were there.  I think it did help me relax a bit and find some joy instead of just resentment and stress. 

We returned exhausted of course but I had strong intentions with this book and my Manifesting Lens process.  I immediately went back to it.  I had several journals I had created for my own manifesting lens process and several books that I read using the process under my belt.  I was on my fourth book into this journey of using books as a manifesting tool and I was learning how beneficial the tool really was to helping me transform myself and my life. I needed to do something with it. In the book Mel Robbins states, “Your job and responsibility is to live your life in a way that is aligned with your values and a way that gets you.”   So I decided to start Bibliosouls, and blog about it. This was a project that I needed deeply.  My soul needed this project. Let Them helped me prioritize this. In the book Mel discusses being jealous of friends with a nice house and angry with her husband who went into the restaurant business and prevented her from living the life she wanted. She reflects, “I wasn’t mad at him, I was mad at myself for not doing the things I needed to do to have the life I wanted.” 

This book gave me the realization that it was all up to me. It helped me carve out time every day to devote to this project that was just for me. It brought me joy and as a mom and a wife and sitting in a house with lots of projects to do, I was able to say “Let Them” feel how they want to feel about me spending time on this right now. Let me work on this thing that brings me joy and not feel guilty.”  I was also able to use “Let Them” when it came to putting myself out there.  It is not easy for me to post things about myself and my life and to admit that I am into the Universe and the Law of Attraction and other woo subjects publicly online.  “Let Them” Helped me be brave and will continue to help me be brave as I grow this project into whatever it is supposed to be. 

Let them think less of me.  Let them think I am weird.  Let them not read anything I post.  Let this project go out into the world and have no one comment.  Let them comment negatively, let them do whatever it is they are going to do because let me do this.  Let me explore this.  Let me listen to my soul and let me do something that I need to do for me. 

Manifestations and Reflections

Nothing was perfect or fixed while I read this book because life is just messy.  It will be shared forever with other people and other people are going to have their own opinions and expectations and that will always be something to juggle. But this book gave me exactly what I needed to navigate balancing my needs with the expectations of others, and a quote or a chapter would come right before a real life situation tested it. “What can I control in this situation?  I can control how I respond.” ,fueled me through the news that my daughter’s Girl Scout troop had bats in their cabin at camp. The troop leaders then had to follow legal protocol to inform every parent, state the percentages and risks of possible rabies exposure, provide information about getting tested and report the incident to the government who then also had to send out information regarding rabies risk right before we left for Europe.  Parents were flipping out and panicking and several decided to get rabies vaccines for their kids which is a process that spans many days and would require us to cancel our trip. I decided to let them. Let them all respond how they were going to respond.  I was going to do what I thought was right.  I grew up camping and staying over at friends houses.  We had bats in our room/tent/cabin too.  I asked my daughter if the bats touched her anywhere and she said no. They were just flying around. I asked her where she slept.  She was on the bottom bunk.  I asked her if she stayed in her sleeping bag all night.  She said she did and it was cold so she was wearing a onesie.  My mom sense was not going off.  I had a strange internal calm, and there was no internal alarm that my kid had been harmed.  I decided to not vaccinate and go to Europe.  I understood the legal process the Girl scouts had to take, but the risk of my daughter being bit and not knowing it was so minuscule that it didn’t warrant cancelling our trip to Europe.  My gut instincts were telling me that she was fine.  I think that before reading this book I would have agonized over the decision.  Would they think I was a bad parent? Am I a bad parent? Is listening to the public announcements and taking every precaution what I am supposed to do right now? But Let Them made it a lot easier. 

As I read the book and started letting people have their own thoughts and feelings and letting me do what was right for me, resistance from others felt lighter and less harmful.  I became more confident.  I felt more peaceful.  The world reacts differently to people who are at peace and confident. I have always tried to balance what is right for me with what is right for others.  I was raised to be thoughtful, considerate, and taught to not be selfish. Doing what was right for others and always considering and worrying about their opinions and feelings sometimes meant I put myself last. Reading Let Them helped me learn how to choose me. I was not responsible for how other people thought or felt. I leaned into my personal projects that brought me joy.  I made decisions that were right for me, or my family. I might have pissed people off, or they might have given me the side-eye on some of my decisions but that’s OK. I would make all of those same decisions again. 

End of Book Vibe Check

I am going into this new school year and it’s going to be full and busy and I am going to have to make decisions and will feel a ton of pressure to put me last again.  But I don’t think I will.  I think I will reread this book multiple times throughout the school year.  I think I have the best chance I have ever had of maintaining balance and not burning out by March.  Now I am willing to let them.  If it costs me respect or friendship or even promotions, so be it. I belong in every room.  I shouldn't have to feel like I have to work so hard to prove myself or prove I deserve to be there.  I will passionately and lovingly live my life and sleep well at night because I chose me, my family, and what is right for my own messy beautiful life. 

This is going to be my most recommended book.  I will be buying multiple copies and giving them to everyone I know.  If everyone could learn to let them, there would be far less judgment, control, and anxiety in this world.  What a gift this book was.