Bibliosouls: An Introduction To the Manifesting Lens

                                                                                                                  

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I Don't Know How to Relax.

Bluey is a TV show about a family of dogs. When I first discovered this show my two daughters were the exact same age as Bluey and Bingo. We watched the show every day over and over again, as it was a children's show that every parent could see themselves in as well. My children are older now but we all still watch it. There is something special about Bluey and I believe I will never grow out of it. One day I was  watching an episode with my children about the family going on vacation to the beach. We watched the children just embracing the moment and not worrying about what they should be doing or when they should be doing it, and then we saw their mom, Chili, preoccupied with doing all the things so she can go relax. But relaxing appeared to be a thing that she had put on her “to do List”. She carried a book titled How to Relax with her, and no matter how hard she tried she could not settle in. My children and husband all turned to me as we watched this episode and said at the same time, “You’re Chili!” 

They are right. I am Chili. I am 44 years old, a mother, a teacher, a firstborn daughter, and an overachiever. I am put together, accomplished, and usually successful at whatever I attempt to do. I am very hard working. Working hard is all I really know how to do. My to do lists are usually checked off by the end of the day. I don’t know how to procrastinate. I accomplish a lot all the time.  I put a lot of pressure on myself to accomplish a lot. If I rest I feel lazy. If I don’t do something well I feel like a failure. I don’t really know how to relax, to play, to have fun, and joy alludes me. 

It is exactly this core issue that led me to developing a new reading and journaling method called “The Manifesting Lens” because like Chile, I also turn to books for help, motivation, escapism, inspiration, and guidance. 

While I am good at ticking off tasks, I am not good at allowing myself to just be and I filled my schedule and life with so many tasks that it got to the point that all I knew was, I was imbalanced, my schedule was constantly too full, I didn’t take care of my mental and emotional and physical health well enough. I never played with my kids, I didn’t know how to be present, and despite the fact that all my “to do’s” were getting crossed off, I was never satisfied. I was in a vicious cycle of seeking satisfaction by adding more to my plate because getting stuff done is all I know how to do, but getting stuff done wasn’t satisfactory anymore, so I tried to get more done to feel satisfied. 

I wasn’t satisfied. I was unhappy, unfulfilled and wracked with guilt that this beautiful life that I built for myself wasn’t enough. Why couldn’t I be happy with what I had? Why was I constantly looking for and adding more to my plate? More than that, if adding more stuff to accomplish wasn’t the answer, what was? Who was I if I wasn’t doing? And if seeking things that brought me joy was the answer, what even brought me joy? 

I Can Manifest: I Think?

In 2006 a book came out and a movie was released called The Secret. You might have heard of it. I read the book and watched the movies and spent my 20’s creating vision boards and saying things like I already had them. The fact that I was also really good at working hard and crossing all the things off my list meant I thought I was really successful at manifesting. I had the job, the career, the house, the husband, the children, the best pets, even the vacations. See proof. I am a manifesting queen. But 20 years later it was apparent to me that, yeah I could manifest things I could put on a list that required action to accomplish but what I was unable to manifest, what I couldn’t seem to grasp from the universe, was a sense of who I really was, what I really wanted, and how to be joyful, balanced and satisfied with my life. 

 I needed to manifest balance and joy and satisfaction in my life and I was getting nowhere. I downloaded all the manifesting podcasts and I listened constantly as I tackled all the things on my to do lists every day. And I tried to manifest hard. What do I do to accomplish things? I work harder. I put manifesting peace, joy, and satisfaction on the top of my to-do list and I tried desperately to tackle that to-do item every day. But this desire, this specific manifestation alluded me. It stressed me out. It made me manic. I would wake up the next day and try harder. I would download even more podcasts and fill my amazon cart with even more self-help books. And then, when all that obsessive hard work didn’t deliver, I crashed. 

I would pick up a book. Usually a really big thick fantasy or historical fiction book; you know, the kind that are over 1,000 pages long. I would escape into it. I would leave my world and life all together. I wouldn’t read one, I would read all of the books in the series and I would check out for a few months. I would let things pile up. I would still manage what I needed to, but I wouldn’t be quite as on top of the laundry, or the dishes, or mopping the floor, or cleaning the shower. But there was a problem. I was spending too much time escaping, and reading every page in the 1,000 page book felt like another thing I was checking off. I still wasn’t playing with my kids, I still wasn’t present or in the moment. I still wasn’t satisfied. The doer part of me would eventually get sick of my own bullshit, of the things on my to do list not being done up to my usual standards, and I would put the books down and get back to work and go back to my busy task oriented self. 

Obviously I have a lot of work to do. There is a reason I have been patterned to make achievement my only sense of self worth.  Clearly, if I am unable to be present and relax, I am unable to be fulfilled and find joy as well. Clearly I am not as good at manifesting as I thought I was.  There are some things you simply cannot accomplish by putting them on a “to do list” and tackling them real hard. One day, while working on my tasks,  I was listening to a podcast called “Expanded” by To Be Magnetic.  It’s a manifesting podcast that helps people work through their blocks. On the show they had a guest named Karen Eldad, a life coach to overachievers. She mentioned her book Gilded and about how some of us (and I swear she was speaking directly to me) have been wired to believe that all of our self worth is entirely wrapped up in achievement.  Achievement is our cage, and she helps people break out of that cage. 

I am a Bibliosoul

Well you can bet I downloaded that book on my apple books and started reading it right off of my phone immediately. In her book Karen recognizes that many overachievers don’t know how to find joy and satisfaction because we don’t know who we even are beyond accomplishment. I followed her recommended exercise in remembering my childhood and what activities I got lost in, and could spend hours doing. For me, it was books.  It turns out, that there is a reason that I turn to big huge epic fantasy books to escape to when I am going through burn out. Because books have always been a source of joy for me. I was a reader at an earlier age than normal, and would spend hours organizing my books. I even played librarian and had a system for letting other kids in the neighborhood check out my books. I chose a career as an English Teacher because, despite being motivated by practicality and stability, I also listened to a deeper part of myself that said, “books are part of the language of your soul”, so you will get a paycheck and not totally hate THIS job, see?  It involves books! “  

I also had another realization. I was manifesting into my life the very books I turned to. The law of attraction basically says that that which we spend time thinking about and feeling is exactly what we attract to ourselves. I was obsessing about my blocks and why I couldn’t manifest joy and satisfaction into my life and the universe sent me a book that explicitly explained to me why someone like me couldn’t find joy and satisfaction. 

And so I knew. The key to my joy and satisfaction, to learning who I was and what I wanted was in the very books that I was attracting. Picking up a book to learn, motivate, inspire, or escape was in my natural state.  Books are part of my soul language. I had a bibliosoul. If I need to learn what is in my soul I need to pay closer attention to the books I pick up and read. 

 As an English teacher I teach students how to read literature through various lenses.  We can read through a historical lens, an analytical lens, we can read with a doubting lens, and we can read with a believing lens. The Manifesting Lens is a reading and journaling method that helps me track how the book came into my life, why it is there, what it can teach me about myself, and what else I am manifesting in my life while I read it. While I read I feel deeply and am responding to the words in the book emotionally. Those words are creating emotional reactions within me and they are occupying my thoughts. I think about what I read long after I put the book down. Books absolutely affect my magnetism and what I attract into my life, and if I am reading all the time, tracking these things can teach me a lot about what I really want and how to get it. 

The Manifesting Lens

This blog is for me, to help me learn how reading with this manifesting lens can help me get closer to manifesting what I truly want in my life, but it’s also for the other bibliosouls and overachievers out there. 

The Manifesting Lens, approaches each book that I attract into my life with the following outline:

What led me to this book?

Before I read Vibe Check. 

Relating to the content.

Manifestations and Reflections.

End of book Vibe Check.

New intentions.

What book is the universe sending me next? 

I am very excited to see what listening to my bibliosoul by applying The Manifesting Lens to what I am reading can teach me about who I really am and how to learn to just be and be satisfied. I sincerely hope that this method can help another biblosoul out there too.